Feeling isolated today
I tend to do the same thing whenever I feel this way: I shut down and play a game with everyone around me in my mind called “How Long Will It Take For Someone To Talk To Me.” I’ve done it for years, since I was in high school really, and am just now wondering why I do this to myself.
It’s happened with groups of friends, co-workers, classmates and the like. I’m unsure where it started, although I know it started as a desperate ploy to get attention and have people become concerned about me. But that was when I was 14. Why am I that way now? Is it the same reason? Or is it because I genuinely enjoy being in isolation sometimes?
I think the feeling between solitude, which is a good experience, and isolation, which is a forced state of being, is somewhat blurred in my mind sometimes. Lately it’s become more important to me to call myself out of my crap so that I can uncover a deeper understand of who I am and who I want to become.
Some of that is rooted in a prayer that Saint Francis used to pray:
Who are you, Lord my God, and who am I?
It’s a wonderful prayer to pray throughout your day and it’s just beginning to scratch at the surface of the kind of man I am, not the one I convince myself I am.
Just some thoughts.